


O Death

by Dizzojay



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drabble Collection, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2018-02-27 15:10:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2697464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dizzojay/pseuds/Dizzojay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of drabbles focussing on everyone's favourite Grim Reaper<br/>Let's hear it for Death - he's a cutie!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Death by Pizza

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Death is an omnipotent being; nothing is beyond his powers.  
> Or is it?

How difficult could it be?

If Marcus, that spotty youth in the Pizza Palace could do it, then Death was sure he could make a pizza too. It would be wonderful to avoid those tiresome trips to Earth for snacks.

He read the recipe … roll the dough, add tomato puree, parmesan, mushrooms, pepperoni, anchovies, preheat the oven … he could do this.

LATER

Standing behind the counter in The Chicago Pizza Palace, Marcus stared at the gaunt, black-coated man with soot smeared across his nose and a wayward crumb of cheese in his hair.

"So that's a Deep Pan Pepperoni Feast with anchovies, Sir?"

xxxxx

end


	2. We all need a hug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It can be a lonely life when everyone hates you; even Death needs a hug sometimes. That's where the personal ads come in handy .

There are only two certainties in life, and I'm one of them.

(Very) mature, intelligent professional (No SOH), tall, dark and handsome - in a cadaverous sort of way - with dapper dress sense and job security to (ahem) die for.

WLTM sober-minded non-smoking lady for friendship, sharing of pickle-chips and long, romantic walks along the banks of the Styx.

In return, I can offer you immortality, dominion over all mankind for eternity, and your own personal ferry, complete with ferryman, for romantic cruises around the nine circles of Hell. The underworld truly is your oyster.

Apply: Deathloveskittens, PO Box GRIM1

xxxxx

end


	3. The Grim Gourmet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even Death needs a lunchbreak.

No-one paid much attention to the gaunt, black-coated figure sitting alone in the pizzeria, methodically working his way through a deep-pan pepperoni pizza and an impressive array of side orders.

Taking a long draught of cola, he surveyed the chattering throngs.

These poor creatures, he reflected, all miserably labouring their way through platefuls of grass; ruminating like bored cattle on lettuce and grated carrot, and washing it down with glasses of mineral water.

They key to keeping him away - or so they thought.

He savoured a pickle chip and smiled; didn't they know that diet was just 'die' with a T?

xxxxx

end


	4. Many, Many Happy Returns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At his age, Death really should know better ...

It's hard having a birthday when you're Death; they tend to lose their appeal when you're a billion years old.

For a start, have you ever seen a cake big enough for all those candles?

Then there are the cards that that hark back to the halcyon days of the Pre-Cambrian era. Really? There are only so many jokes one can make about a fragile lump of rock inhabited only by primordial soup.

You know the ones; 'Hey, I'm not saying you're old, but when you were young, the big bang was still waiting for its growth spurt …'

Oh, spare me.

xxxxx

But, I'm another epoch older - even I can't do anything about that.

Although I can promise never to celebrate my birthday with those two irredeemable miscreants, the Winchesters, again.

Thanks to them, I seem to have acquired my very first hangover.

I'd say I felt like Death warmed over; but that statement is wrong in more ways than I can possibly describe in my current condition.

I feel like every one of my billion years; my head is fragile, I lost my cane in a poker game …

And where the hell did that traffic cone come from?

xxxxx

end


	5. Check Your Pockets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even Death isn't immune to life's little annoyances.

Well, this is rather embarrassing.

I've had my overcoat since the dawn of time; since the broiling, seething chaos of the Big Bang. Since that very first blink of creation in which nothing became something, and the swirling mists of primordial dust first began to trace the edges of a fledgeling universe all those countless millennia ago.

So that's why spilling a plate of tomato and basil canelloni all down the front of it last week was very, very annoying.

But not half as annoying as the fact that I now seem to have lost the dry cleaning ticket.

xxxxx

end


	6. Keeping Up Appearances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even Death needs a bit of variety now and again ...

I've lived for countless eons, and I'm sure you appreciate, being around for such an inifinitessimally long time, one can get so jaded if one doesn't push the boat out occasionally.

So after some consideration I decided last week it was time for an image change. Nothing bizarre you understand; just a pair of sunglasses.

Simple and understated I thought; they complemented my long black coat rather well.

Well, until that irredeemable oik, Dean Winchester nearly burst a bladder laughing and asked if I was taking the red pill or the blue pill.

I knew I should have chosen an ear-ring.

xxxxx

end


	7. Death's Dilemma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world holds no mysteries to one as old and wise as Death ... or does it?

Death was old, very old.

His experience spanned the timeless of expanse of forever. Century upon century of wisdom accumulated from the tempest of the Universe's broiling infancy through innumerable eons past and present.

His knowledge knew no bounds; the learning of a thousand billion millennia gave him an air of sagacity and erudition that intimidated all who encountered him.

Death knew the secrets of the universe; he held the answers to all the countless mysteries of the ages; he knew all that there was to know.

But he still didn't understand the last film in the Matrix trilogy.

xxxxx

end


End file.
